I’m just blatantly telling people i’m the great great grandson of the White Raja of Serawak.

I have the British accent, when I put it on and I’m white. Who are they to question the veracity of it?

I’ve managed to swing two free coffees at two branches. Just got my third. I promise the manager I’ll get online and give feedback. I told him the toilet at the last branch was a bit dirty and slippery.

‘How can you have faith in the kitchen dishing up clean food if they can’t get the toilet right.’

He totally agreed with me.

He told the manager of the branch he was visiting to give me a free coffee.

My feedback is valuable, I said.

And I’ve really got too much time on my hands.

Any normal person would just get on with their lives.

The manager laughed at that.

‘We really value your feedback,’ he says.

Well while we are at it, I said, that toilet door nearly decapitated my toe when it swung shut, I added.

‘Good feedback,’ he says, ‘if you come to my branch, I’ll give you a free coffee too.’

I’m here now. He’s super busy. He was walking through the busy branch when I blocked his way.

I’m back, I said.

I’ve become his worse nightmare.

It’s Chinese New Year,’ he says. ‘And we are very busy.’

I got it, I said. I had my free coffee, so I really wasn’t that put out.

Going for a free coffee started up as a lark. The female manager at the airport seemed to like my feedback. The guy behind the counter asked me if I wanted to upsize. I said no. Then a Chinese customer encouraged me to do so. Which I did.

‘He’s the best staff around,’ I said in front of everyone, customers and staff listening to me attentively.

I hammed it up. I already drank my free coffee and felt it deserved a performance. At least the manager wouldn’t feel cheated by a cheapskate white guy.


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