Let the obnoxiousness begin.

It’s my specialty.

I’ve spent a fortune on finely tuning it.

It doesn’t get me much in return.

But the stories are always flowing freely.

I’m always keen to tap into them and hopefully  breath some life into them along the way.

They are the bread and butter of my trade.

People, without them, the yarns would dry up.

You can only write so much about a rock.

The dialogue is lacking.

But with people, they just tolerate me.

I’m Jesus Christ, I told the three Chinese whose table I gatecrashed.

I knew they had to be Christian.

How could I be JC if I didn’t have any family, they enquired.

Immaculate Conception. It was just that easy. I said I’m the Holy  Trinity. I’m Saint Thomas of Aquarius too.

You missed a holy ghost, said the lady.

They quickly left me with my avocado smoothie at Kim’s Juice bar.

Wait, I said, I’m not done.

I looked at them. They had already said that I must be a rich guy to travel this far just to see a dentist.

I said to the guy who asked if I was rich, that most likely he was richer than me. He just didn’t believe it.

They also didn’t believe a word of what I said about Australia being a rip-off country that prefers you to work for free.

‘They just don’t pay you,’ I said. And you think Australia is the land of milk and honey. Well, it is only if you are working.

They were waiting for me to say who the third person of my personal trinity was.

I’m, I’m….  – I was thinking, fuck, what’s his name. –  I’m, I’m… ( I must have added a stutter) I’m…  Judas Iscariot.

I got the fucker out eventually.

Wasn’t that fucking funny I said.

They weren’t laughing.

I was.

They were quickly making their way to the car. They were safe now, once they locked the door.

I haven’t told them that I plan to pick up some loose Christians at the cathedral down the road.

You don’t want to show all your cards, right?


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