Oh boy, this is going to be a real doozy.
He fucked a Vietnamese on a yellow couch. Boy, I needed to get in tune with my inner Jack Shepherd.
There was fucking Adul, Yousif, and Mustafa in what looked like a fake Sheikh get-up hanging around Foodland.
‘She had the biggest ass,’ said Abdul.
‘Certainly beat fucking a goat,’ said Yousif.
‘Don’t talk about my mum like that,’ said Mustafa, who apparently was the clown of the three.
I was just about to enter Foodland on Soi 5 off Sukkunvite where I decided I’d continue watching the Three Stooges of Qatar over an iced coffee.
‘Let’s go to Thermaes,’ suggested Yousif.
‘Only if you want to upset the white supremacist who hang out there,’ I advised. It was true too, and they were mostly under-challenged Brits. I had no reason to hate these guys. ‘Try Grace Hotel,’ I suggested, ‘the Thai heifers even wear fake musk perfume’
Everything was for sale on Sukhumvit.
They weren’t sure if I was taking the piss out of them. I certainly was and had to refrain from running up to them and dropping my carry bag beside them and yelling ‘Allah Akbar.’
‘I’m not pulling the hems of your white frocks,’ I said instead. ‘And Yousif, you better change your skirt.’ He had an embarrassing skid mark where skid marks usually show up.
‘He uses his white tunic as toilet paper,’ says Mustafa. He definitely is the clown and is dressed up in a Bin Laden fancy dress outfit which looked absolutely ridiculous. But I’m sure he knew that already.
I waved the horn dogs off and said, ‘Liquid Viagra, at the chemist on the corner opposite Nana Plaza. They sell Valium, Ativan and Zanex, great date rape drug or good for a general feeling of well being before you take the pussy plunge.’
They had long gone. Did I scare the rag heads off?
I was in Jack’s territory. I couldn’t really say I knew Tay’s Singapore as well I knew Planet Bangkok.
I’ll have an iced coffee, I said to the cute lady behind the drinks counter of the Took Lae Dee 24 hour diner – and there was nothing cheap or good about out it except it’s prime location. She was looking at me oddly and it wasn’t like The Three Stooges of Qatar looked normal.
I really felt embarrassed talking to myself but one thing I knew, living and breathing The Laundry Man was going to be a hallucinatory trip down a somewhat dodgy memory lane.