Simon keeps on inviting me to his beach resort for some smoke on the water.

I met him at the communal baths. He’s a born again Christian and prefers his new westernized name. He owns land and a house. It was paid by a French a couple he met at the church. He’s a piano teacher. I met him at the local doctor’s the other day. His mother is not feeling well.

Sana and Simon went to the same school. “He was in my class,” said Simon.  Sana later tells me Simon  is a tour guide. “He made his money many years ago giving the sob story to rich tourists.”

Sana says Simon is the oldest in the family. “He’s responsibility is the community. He’s the eldest.” Then Simon tells him he has  converted to Christianity. Sana isn’t impressed.  Simon has made the jump from tour guide to Christian, and has now expanded his customer base.

“He’s rich already. He’s a playboy of the highest order. He’s been chasing young coconut for years.” You need money for that, I said. Sana said you gotta be careful with the guides who speak very good English. “They’ll tell you anything to draw you in. And once they have won your confidence, then the humbugging begins in earnest.”

I meet Simon the next day at the communal baths. “See, I told you I wouldn’t be respected or accepted by Sana since I converted to Christianity.” He was absolutely right.

So why didn’t you tell me you were a guide?

“Guides get such a bad rap, I didn’t want to scare you away. Being a piano teacher isn’t so run of the mill.”

He texts me later, “Come to my place , I need someone to help me with the gardening.” Then he  texts me again.”I hope you don’t take drugs. My place is a drug free zone. The last French guy I invited to my beach resort was a junkie.” So his smoke on the water was Marlboros after all.

Christian or no Christian, I get the feeling he’s going to be humbugger of the highest order. “Just like that guy we met in Cambodia,” reminded Chief Editor. “Let him find another fresh victim. You’re wallet will thank you for it.”

I think Simon has just  lost another potential  client.

Chicken Farm way, the working girls are losing clients too. The police operation isn’t over until 4th of December says Sana, who was there yesterday. “Maya is at home. Kikki is still in hiding at the owner’s house. But Solo is back to work.”

Sana says   a policeman was  reportedly seen pecking for morsels at the complex.  “He was probably here for a free fuck or to pick up some cash.”

Or both?

It’s a cat and mouse game of civilization’s oldest profession.

“And guess who I saw in complex two?”



Sana doesn’t miss a trick. I’m not ready for another tour guide just yet.  When you have the best in Bali, why shop elsewhere.





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