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Once upon a time, after the world turned 2000, an omniscient being in the city of Jayadelaide divined that small boys in need of relief might relieve themselves in holes containing Pool Pump Inlets, and further, a mere lid over the hole will not deter such delinquency. Small boys can lift lids.
A Rule was Needed. The said lid shall be Heavy, and Lock Down, and Councils shall Enforce this. Moreover, none may Purchase an existing Pool unless and until the Council Certifies the Pool Compliant. The man from the Council explained this at length and in detail when he came to do his inspection, and summarised his findings: Lid. Non Compliance. Reason. To no avail I begged. I will only ever admit small boys whose parents first produce current certificates certifying progeny are fully Tree-Trained.
The man from the Council informed me I must acquire not a suitable tree but a suitable Colander. The Council has carried out extensive research entailing many hours of observations of small boys in need of relief near pools. Council has scientifically proved Peril may be Prevented by placing an upturned vegetable colander underneath the Unlockable Lid. Insert said colander in pool inlet slot and the Council shall consider Non-Compliance has been Addressed and issue Compliance Certificate impeding Pool settlement.
Colanders. Who sells colanders?  Coles, it turned out, right down the back, by the nuts.
And nuts was exactly what the checkout operator looked to be thinking as she eyed the pool lid not going through with the colander and the vegemite and I did my best to look as if I’d just happened to pick up a pool lid when I picked up my purse. Do it all the time 🙂
There’s a happy ending. I didnt have to pay Coles for a pool lid with no bar code, the pool has its own spanking new Stanley Rogers, and the man from the Council  will be coming back to Prove it.
Now all I have to do now is wheedle the bank into releasing the Approved Funds for the Pool Purchase…
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